just been thinking *long*

So, a thread on another board got my thinking...about how DH really feels about me being a SAHW, so I asked him (had to do it in an email). The sweet guy he is, he refused to discuss it right now because he didnt wanna start a fight/agrument. He really has mixed feelings on the issue (for us, not in general). So I got to thinking (knowing what he was gonna say) and told him this. This is something I am also posting on my livejournal as a reminder to "my plan".

* This has been edited and still may consist of a little TMI- for that I apoligize now. lol.

sorry so long.

My thoughts:

Things seem to finally be calming down. My periods are normal now and I think that’s the greatest thing about all of this. Our marriage is still surviving and that alone is worth being happy about.

When I was working at MyGym I was still unhappy. I was still lost. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, my boss wasnt pleasent and I didn’t fit in. I made some bad choices and in the end, I got fired. My fault and theirs but it’s what it is.

I have spent most of my adult life working at crappy jobs that I have been unhappy with, just trying to find myself. I understand that it’s what you have to do sometimes. And it sucks, and you have to do it sometimes and that’s something I am realizing right now.

This is my defense. This below is also my plan. Please let me know (nicely which I know you will) if you suggest any changes.

My 1st thought when you said what you did last night (Tuesday night) I was angry. I was *throwing hands up* like what else do I have to do. Then during my bath, I began thinking. You are right (maybe I know what you plan to say I dunno) but I got to thinking about how I can work things out. To where I am at least trying and meeting halfway rather than not doing anything at all.

Rejection sucks. I know that, you know that etc. Everytime I looked for a job and got shot down, it sucked. It took a piece of me and like Jenga took a piece of me and I risked crashing. Take the wrong piece and I crash. I don’t want to get where I was 2 months ago. I’ve grown and things are getting better. I’ve been beating myself up about what do I wanna do. I don’t have the Navy keeping me from figuring that out, so it shouldn’t be as hard for me, but I’ve made it near impossible it seems lol.



See I'm learning.


My plan:
Before Christmas-

Novemeber 1st- December 10th

Look for babysitting jobs. Try babysitting and saving money for Christmas, student loan and everyday spending. Finish Christmas shopping with money from the payday that I get each payday this month. Also put a little back in savings as well. Also begin to prepare resume’ and possibly go down to Fleet and Family support and speak with a resume’ specialist and someone about trying to find a job after the holidays. Basically “prep-work month”.

December 11th- deployment leave day

Spend as much time with Andrew as possible. Make lots of love, cherish every moment with him like it would be the last. Enjoy a Christmas in MN with Andrew and family, and not regret any moment. Take lots of pictures

Deployment leave day- March 22nd, 2009

Have a job by this time. Begin working at anything that will pay a paycheck. Also in between working and saving money, think about what I’d like to do career wise. As soon as I get word about weather we will be staying here or leaving then possibly also take an online class Spring 2009 semester. Make sure it’s a class that is a high possibility of transferring. If get word about staying here longer, sign up for classes for Summer 2009 . Make sure keep up with working.

March 22nd, 2009- end of April first of May

Spend time with Family and soak up every moment. Take lots of pics and enjoy time with Family. May be last time for awhile. Which is ok…

First of May-deployment homecoming day

Come home and decide weather to continue working (if I still have a job then def. Keep working, if not then decide between school or work) Discuss with Andrew.

Homecoming- whenever

This is to be decided more when we know more about our future after deployment!

just to make sure is this following OPSEC? with all the dates?

sorry that was my admin voice, lol
i just have to be double sure with those things... but now... My Lynzy voice!!

Sounds like a good plan. I'm a SAHW... but i do have career goals.
in the next year or so, i'll be starting cosmetology school. and then, once i get my license i'll start working, and getting an associates in Business.

eventually i want to open my own salon. but that won't be till after DH leaves the Navy. and it he decides to go career, i'll just work in some one else's salon, maybe move up to assistant manager and rack up experience, because banks like to see that when you apply for small business loans and such.
but that's my long term goals.

right now. My job is specifically to save money... as weird as that sounds. i stay home because it makes life easier on both of us. When i work out side the home, the house falls to pieces, and that even with DH doing all that he can. and then we're both cranky with each other. etc etc.
the up side... I've wanted to be a homemaker since i was 15 years old. so i'm completely happy doing what i'm doing. and i also know that if i ever decide to go back to school, or start working... DH would support me, but i've kind of found my niche, and i know SAHW or SAHM isn't for everyone, but it works for me.
What really pisses me off... is when those random ladies make statements about how SAH-whatevers are lazy. oh that bugs me.

Ok, i'm done.
my point was... MORE POWER TO YA!! everyone needs goals! and it sounds like your on the right track.

Thanks girl

and no, I don't think it violates anything. I didn't really name any dates. So I think it's good. theres a 3month or so time frame in there and we dont know when in that time frame.

it's great that you have goals that you want to achieve!

i like working for a couple reasons....
1.) since we've got a pretty good amount of debt, it's nice to know we can pay our bills and have money leftover for fun stuff
2.) it keeps me busy during the day and i'm building my resume just by being there every day or as often as i can
3.) it keeps me busy when dh is away on underways and when he'll go on his 6-month deployment next year
4.) i was a stay at home wife for a couple months in sc and it was to fun going to lunch with the other ladies so that kept me busy....but when the husbands are home, everyone shuts off their "friends" and then i'm bored again
5.) i can only stand to cook, clean the house, do laundry, and dishes every so often....not every day. my theory is if you're a stay at home wife or mom, you stay at home and do things....not just sit there all day and watch tv or play on the internet.

i think stay at home wives and moms are AWESOME as long as they do their "job" and don't take advantage of their husband's paycheck.

with all that being said, maybe if the reason you want to work is to keep yourself busy you can follow lindsay's path and volunteer....that way you can choose your own hours. if it's for financial reasons, there is something for everyone out there so i'm sure you'll find your calling or at least something that you can stand for awhile. have you looked into having a daycare in your house? you seem to like babysitting so that might be an option. either way, good luck with everything and let me know if you need any help or want to talk!

Thanks ladies. Some things have happened and I'll be posting an update soon!